Tulips and Tragedies

Spring is here at last. AvalonTulipTimeCruise That sounds happy, doesn’t it? Little lambs are playing in the fields, tulips and daffodils are coming into bloom in our gardens, cherry blossom is blowing in the wind… you can almost smell Spring. Here in the Netherlands, Keukenhof has opened for its short annual season of amazing tulip displays and thousands of tourists are making their way there every day. What a lovely picture!

But then you listen to the news and it’s anything but lovely: fifty people murdered in New Zealand at their place of worship; three people shot dead on a tram in Utrecht in the Netherlands; three teenagers killed in the crush to get into a St Patrick’s night party in Northern Ireland… and just before that hundreds of people were killed in a plane crash in Ethiopia. All this in addition to the suffering of thousands made homeless in the floods in Mozambique, Malawi and Zimbabwe.

floods-in-malawi Why does all this tragedy happen? Whose fault is it? Does the God we believe in care? What can we do about the suffering? How do we live with the contrast between the tulips and the tragedies? These are huge questions and – let’s be honest – as human beings we don’t really know the answers. Many philosophers and theologians have written about the problem of suffering; many sermons have been preached on the subject and yet no clear conclusions are reached. The famous writer CS Lewis described the problem of pain as ‘a fundamental theological dilemma, and perhaps the most serious objection to the Christian religion’. He admits that ‘suffering is not good in itself’ but goes on to say, ‘What is good in any painful experience is … the compassion aroused and the acts of mercy to which it leads.’ Maybe instead of trying to answer the unanswerable questions we need to weep with those who weep, work harder to prevent suffering caused by neglect or abuse and not forget to enjoy the tulips along the way.

How do we measure success?

Sarah and Simon

Sarah and Simon

This blog was written by our daughter Sarah and first posted on her blog Killultales, which you will find here.

This has been on my mind a lot recently.  My insecurities about my own career ‘success’ were compounded this week by the the myriad (often self aggrandising) social media posts and news features on International Women’s Day (IWD) about women who have smashed the glass ceiling before they turned 30, who are changing the world in their gap year, who have become millionaires overnight, and more.

Naively, I was expecting IWD news stories primarily to be raising awareness of the opression of women being trafficked for sex.  To be drawing our attention to those women around the world who die during or after childbirth, or lose their babies, because they haven’t got access to basic healthcare for themselves and their families.  For those women who still don’t have the right to make their own decisions about work and family life, who are forced to marry young or to undergo FGM.

There certainly are issues of gender inequality in the UK, and these should not be ignored.  But the more I read about IWD this past week, the more I felt women were being encouraged to stop at nothing for the sake of achieving success in a way that society can measure.

Don’t feel bad about missing out on school plays, concerts and sporting events – the dads don’t… 
There’s social care for a reason, so get someone in to meet the needs of your family.  Don’t be held back by the age old assumption that the women will provide the care.
Don’t forget to prioritise your ‘me time’.  You need to have some down time from the busyness of juggling everything.

So what are we modelling to our children?  That we should pursue our dreams at all costs?  Not to worry about family, they’ll muddle through when we don’t have time for them and we’ll expect them to show up to celebrate our successes anyway?

We live in a country where one fifth of the population say they are lonely.  There’s a Minister for Loneliness.  There’s a Campaign for Loneliness.

Perhaps we have it all wrong.  Instead of celebrating women succeeding in a man’s world, we should be changing the measure of success.

Men and women who seek to balance personal and professional life should be celebrated, because that is really hard.

I read an article recently about a gentleman whose mother was diagnosed with dementia.  He left his job, rented out his home, and moved in with his mum to care for her.  He misses his job, friends and colleagues and is losing out in terms of career, but feels this is a once in a lifetime chance to show her how important she is to him.

I read an article about a barrister returning from maternity leave whose clerk now contacts Court in advance of her appearing, to request that the judge will rise at intervals to allow her to breastfeed or express milk for her baby.  This enables her to prioritise caring for and bonding with her child whist remaining committed to her clients.

I have a husband who has repeatedly taken jobs with reduced salary and career opportunities to ensure that he can be home in time to bath the boys every day and tell them crazy bedtime stories.  Not only am I enormously grateful for this, but the boys love spending time on their own with him and shun me at least once a year for “boys’ holiday with dad”.

Everyone should be supported in striving to achieve all that they can in their career.  We should stop measuring success in terms of fame, or reaching the top no matter what.  The things we might have to neglect in pursuit of this sort of success really matter.  Family.  Friends.  Mental health.  The loss of these compound the problem of loneliness in our busy society.

IWD 2019 got me thinking about the people who have had most impact in my life, who exhibit the characteristics I’d like the boys to develop.

They’re there in our everyday life: friends and acquaintances who take the time to ask how things are going; neighbours who pop by to check all is well because it’s been a while; strangers who stop to offer encouragement when someone is struggling with a teary toddler, to offer a hand when someone falls; people who volunteer their time at community groups to play with little ones or sit with the infirm, giving exhausted carers a breather; and listeners who listen.

There’s a million more things to say on this topic.  But, if you’ve made it this far, don’t worry, I’m stopping now!  May your week ahead hold opportunities for you to show support to those around you, and to benefit from the same yourself.

 

Ruth and Uel

They joined us two years ago. We called them Ruth and Uel. At first, they were easy house guests, happy to stay at home all day while we were out at the office. They enjoyed the sunshine streaming through the living room window and, as long as we gave them plenty of water to drink, all was well. We have quite a lot of visitors and, at meal times, Ruth and Uel sat close to the table and listened intently to every conversation. Just like their namesakes (known to some of you, I’m sure), they were quiet and unobtrusive. After a few months, they really needed to spend some time outside, so we let them stay in the back garden during the day, taking care to bring them inside every evening before dark. Then the summer heat came and we were able to leave them outside day and night without any problems. Finally, last spring, it seemed the back garden wasn’t really big enough for both of them, so we separated them and moved Uel to a nice spot at the front of the house. They are both well settled now and seem likely to be here long after we leave.

‘Wouldn’t it be nice to leave an Irish oak tree in the Netherlands?’ said Uel (the acorn donor, two years ago). Looks like we have exceeded that by leaving two! That got me thinking about what else we might be leaving behind when our time in Nieuw Vennep and Amsterdam is over: will our neighbours be saying; ‘I remember those Irish people – they planted two Irish oak trees’, or will there be something more enduring than that?

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Meeting Eve

Eve 1We have just returned from a trip to England to meet our newest granddaughter. Eve Caitlin Beckett arrived a few days early on Thursday 31st January. She was in a hurry to join the family, giving her Mum and Dad only a few minutes in the hospital before she came into the world. Eve’s big sister Isla (2) is proving to be a very expert helper and she certainly had plenty of advice and instructions for Granny and Grandpa Dave on all aspects of baby care! Her cousins Joel (7) and Luke (6) are also delighted with their new cousin, but now that they are living in N Ireland they couldn’t just run around to the Beckett house to see her but have had to make do with Skype. EveLike most new parents, Tom and Catherine are adjusting to sleep deprivation, having two children, getting into new routines and coping with visiting grandparents! They are all doing wonderfully well and we give thanks for the blessing of this new little lady who has already enriched us all so much.

Where are you from?

colloquium pic

The international colloquium at IBTS Centre

Gabriel: I’m from Norway… yes, I know I don’t look like it – I’m originally from Nigeria.
Kathryn: I’m from Northern Ireland … yes, I know I don’t sound like it – I actually come from Florida.
Tunyi: I’m from Vancouver, Canada … well, actually, I’m originally from India.
Lina: I’m from Glasgow … via some years in Prague and, before that, Lithuania.

And so it went on … listening in to conversations this past week between our students and supervisors from different parts of the world, I was struck by how many of them were born in one country, moved to live and study or work somewhere else and have travelled to study with us in yet another location. For our staff team at IBTS Centre, it’s the same. There are six of us working in Amsterdam: one from the Netherlands (although he lived in Eastern Europe for a few years); one from South Africa; one from England; one from Estonia (having worked for some years in Prague) and two of us from N. Ireland.

Providing lunches for such a diverse group is fun: some like ham, cheese and bread; others prefer spicy meats and hot food; some are looking for low fat yoghurt and salads… We work on a compromise and common denominator type of principle and mostly it works out ok. But such diversity is not all about problems – the advantages are many! Having got used to living in a strange/new country, people listen well to each other, they explain things that would be ‘obvious’ to those sharing a common culture and there is a lot of give and take in conversation and in theological discussions. Listening to the Lord’s Prayer (which we say together most mornings in our native language) is an amazing experience. We somehow find a rhythm so that we begin and end at the same time, even though some languages use a lot more words than others. Variety truly is the spice of life and we are blessed to experience so much of that in IBTS Centre.

Porridge? Yes, please!

This morning I made porridge. It was my first bowl of 2019. Breakfast cereals are fine for holiday mornings, but work days require work food – porridge. img-20190107-wa0003 And it tasted good! I was looking through the inevitable New Year healthy living/weight loss tips in the newspaper at the weekend and trying to find the least demanding and most reassuring ones (isn’t that what everyone does?) when I came across Richard Branson’s personal trainer’s ‘top 10 tips for a health reboot’. Guess what Tip 6 is? Yes, it’s ‘Eat porridge for breakfast’. Tip 1 is ‘Don’t join a gym’ and I have been totally successful in that one too. So (ignoring the other 8 more demanding tips) I feel pretty healthy and ‘rebooted’ already (especially as I bought a new pair just before Christmas).

pic Speaking of Christmas – Christmas and New Year were great. We got to spend time with both our daughters and their families – one in England and the other in N. Ireland (see photos).  We visited wider family, our home church at Windsor in Belfast and many more friends. It hardly rained at all – very unusual for the UK – so we did lots of walking in the countryside and even tackled some hills (not possible in the Netherlands). We thoroughly enjoyed the break. Now it’s ‘back to porridge’ – in so many ways! January is the busiest month of the IBTSC year, so we need to say ‘Yes, please!’ not only to the breakfast food but also to the ‘porridge’ of routine and our daily work. Happy New Year!

Verbetering

IMG-20181115-WA0001Week Three of the ‘woningverbetering’. This is the ‘house improvement’ scheme that our landlord is carrying out on all 48 houses in our area. The builders moved in during early summer to carry out Stage One – installing new bathrooms and kitchens. Ours were new when we moved in nearly three years ago, so we escaped Stage One. Then in August, Stage Two began – a much more major job for our house. This time they are replacing roof tiles, all windows, front and back doors; installing solar panels, cavity wall and underfloor insulation and even putting a new roof on our bike shed. This being the Netherlands, the whole business is highly organised. The project foreman visited every house to explain what’s involved, to advise how to prepare and to deliver plastic sheets to cover furniture, plus one pair of earplugs per resident! Ours is the last house to be ‘improved’ – number 48 in the queue. We are hopeful that after doing 47 other houses, they will be faster, well-practised and highly motivated to get off-site before Christmas. The whole project is due to finish by mid-December. We look forward to that date and to being much ‘improved’.